Some days

And on some days, after months of thought and contemplation and deliberation, you're finally there.

That day when it all begins to unfold. You're at crossroads.
You're at the fork in the road.
You're at the roundabout.
You're just there.
A step ahead is going to change your life.

Maybe not as dramatically as you wish. Maybe more dramatically that you've wished.

But it's going to change.

And it's unnerving and relaxing at the same time.

Just be in this moment. Let it surround you. Soak in this feeling. Experience this. You'll be talking about it, thinking about it for a huge part of your life.

This is the time the caterpillar becomes the butterfly.

Revel in the moment.
Enjoy it.

You'll look back at this moment, years later, wondering how and where this strength came from.

Good night, butterfly. 💞

When it hurts, SMILE

I was part of a dance class, many years ago. The instructor made us stretch every limb and then hold that position. 

Hold 1..  2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. Release.

The counts became progressively longer as we advanced into the class. And not just our bodies, but our faces contorted into various painful expressions because of the strain. The instructor was always straight-faced or had a smile. 

He asked the class one day, ''Is it hurting?'' We just about croaked out a 'yes!'

''Good. Smile when it hurts. If it's hurting,  it's working.''

And that, my friends, is one of the best things I took away from my class. 

Till date, if I get yelled at at home, or work's not working, or friends are being odd or things don't go the way I picture them in my head and it hurts, I just smile.

Just put up a clown-sized smile on that face. 

Because if it's hurting it's working towards a better you. 

:)

Nervous for Nothing

This should be my tagline for life!

I get nervous, stressed, anxious about the smallest things. 
To give you perspective, let's take a small thing like a client meeting. I'll be nervous about:
What I have to present
What I'm wearing
Which route I will take to get there
Will my phone battery last
What if I drop food on my shirt

The reason I write this post is because over the past 5 months I've gained a little weight. Food habits and lifestyle has changed but this weight gain was a little alarming. Also, turned 30, so louder alarm bells!?

I was asked to meet an endocrinologist -  took me 2 days to figure if it's pronounced as endo-crin-o-logist or endo-crine-o-logist. Still at a loss. 

He's one of those doctors for who you need to take an appointment a month in advance and wait 40 minutes even though you have an appointment and all that fancy shit.

Your name?
Roshni
Age?
30
Married?
No
So where are you working?
Creative team in a digital agency
Good

One smile.

He took my BP, asked about the problem and gave me a battery of tests to get done. 

Is there a problem? What do you think it is? Why so many tests? Is it normal? Is it a new kind of illness? Common? Unusual?

Please relax, Roshni. Come next week with the results.

AND THEN THAT'S IT! I'VE BEEN AN EFFIN NERVOUS WRECK SINCE!

I got the tests done the next morning. Results came in the same day. So from Tuesday to Monday I've made millions of scenarios in my head about this.

What if I have to hit the gym?
I hate gyms
Yoga is slow
Diet!?
No white diet
Only boiled veggies
Run 2 kms a day
Ugggghs
What if I have no solution, no hope. It's a rare disorder and one of those one in a million people suffer. And there's no cure or source or reason.

This is what happened today:
He looked at my test results, made notes and smiled.
Then he asked me what I eat everyday.
Cut out certain foods, added vitamin tablets, smiled.

Don't get scared. This is fine. This mid day snack has to go. 

But I'm most hungry then!

As I see it, you're hungry all the time. 
Smiles.
Then laughs.

Start the medication and meet me after three weeks. 

Came home, narrated this to mom and dad. Both laughed. 

#NervousForNothing

Driving teaches you life lessons

Yes, I believe driving teaches you life lessons. There are so many quiet ways a car teaches you how you should be otherwise. Here are a few things I feel are so in common!

Neutral.

Start anything new in neutral. An extreme feeling will make you take silly decisions.  

Gear 1.

Step 1 followed by 2, 3… Try it any other way and things just won’t move correctly.

The clutch - accelerator balance.

There will be a good and bad, a pro and con, a devil and angel in everything. Make sure you balance.

Gear 2.

Move. Grow. Do new things. Challenge yourself.

Changing lanes? Please use indicators.

Changes in thought, action or even work! Talk to others, indicate what you are thinking, there’s always someone ready to listen.

Traffic lights.

See a signal? It’s there for a reason. If you stop, someone else goes and vice versa.

Headlights.

Walking into unknown territory? Switch them eyes on. No walking in the dark, sweets.

Traffic jams.

Stuck somewhere? Just patiently wait for the phase to pass.   

A puncture.

Sometimes you do need to call in the expert. Just wait till they finish.

Mirrors.

Look at things from every angle, judge the surroundings and then make your move.

Makes sense? 

Keeping away from the ricksha-types!

“You’ve changed so much in the past 2 years! For someone like you, that’s a big deal, no?”

“Haha, yes, it is.”

“Why so? You always wanted things to stay the same. Never change types.”

“What to do? Sometimes we get so busy freezing time, keeping things as is, not changing because we love the way things are. We take comfort in the known, fear the unknown. But ‘life’ doesn’t work like that. Bitchy thing is just programmed to change.”

“Wow, that’s deep! Tell me more...”

“You know that feeling when you’re driving late at night on a long open highway. There’s very little traffic, cars are in their own lanes, and pedals under your feet are set at a certain position, fourth gear, hands set on the steering – literally cruising...

“Oh yes, wind blowing in your hair, good thoughts flowing in...”  

“Right, it doesn’t stay that way for long. That’s when one car decides to get off the highway and check the road below – you keep cruising but wonder what it’s like down there.

Another one comes from nowhere, overtakes you and a few others, loud, flashy and quite dented – makes you look around to check if you’re slow. No, you’re fine. The others are at the same pace.

Back to cruise mode.   

The worst ones here are the rickshaw types – someone needs to show them their place. Three wheels, a perpetual problem to have around, a face that needs immediate surgical assistance and forever talk money – ‘nuff said.

They fill up any empty space, are the noisiest of the lot and just don’t listen to reason. These are the ones that you should be careful of.

They make you change speeds, your lanes and sometimes even your route.

But they are programmed that way - law of nature. Money-driven, short life span and they don’t bother about how good the ride is. For them the destination must arrive – quickly. And a new destination set right after.  

All we do is run around trying to get to the destination. And we all will reach it. Some, a little faster than others – but get there we all will! 

It is imperative to decide if you want to enjoy the ride or just reach a destination!

All I did was stay away from the rickshas. That’s the change.”

“Keep cruising, little one.” 

Ice-cream

'So how do you know which ice-cream is your favourite if you don't try them all?'

I was just left staring at her face, while she winked and said that!

Yea, true that, how do you figure?

Maybe you don't need to try them all. Stand back and watch someone try an exotic flavour. See how quickly their expression changes, take it ahead from there.

For some others, you don't need to buy an entire scoop. Just smile and ask the vendor for a sample. Check how you feel when you touch a little to your lip.

And then there are a few, where you just look and know that you'll never be ok with something like that.

Lastly, some of them are like instant love. With one look, you know how it’s going to taste and feel and that you'd want seconds. And that no other flavour would even come close to this one. And that it doesn't matter if you don't ever taste another, all your life.

Labels

My notebook labels, right up till my tenth standard, were written out by her.

Neat, clean cursive writing.

I knew the teacher in class was going through my notebook, just by the writing on the label.

Every year, she would cover my books, text and note, with smooth brown paper.  

She would cover them all, and patiently write my name, full name, standard, division, roll number, school name and subject, extremely methodically. Never a squiggle or a scratch!

She knew I held my notebooks with pride. Hell ya, she knew I held any book with pride.

Later I graduated to covering my own notebooks, but she was still in charge of the labels.

One year, she wanted to sleep a little early.

I tossed and turned all night, “Carry books to class without labels? On my first day? 

Oh no!”

I woke up a little earlier than usual (yes, there was a time when I did do such things), armed with my new blue pen for the new year in school, I walked in half my sleep towards the dining room.

She was there already, with another blue pen.

Labelled books in that lovely cursive, again!

Some things never change. I smiled, knowing I was worrying uselessly.

Once in college this ritual came to an abrupt halt! We carried books if we wanted to.

We borrowed them, more often than not.  

And we mostly survived on photocopies.

Recently, she wrote out a list of groceries on a little square of paper for me.

Neat, clean, cursive writing, with just a hint of shaky.

Brought back so many memories!

Some things should never change.  

Thanks Maa.